Last night I had my recurring dream again. It happens about once or twice a month, I would say. There are various scenarios, but last night's was typical. I come home to some apartment on a campus and find my husband with another woman, the assumption is always that she is an ex-girlfriend. Then he avoids me, acts shocked that I am even angry, while I am crying over and over, "Why do you hate me? Why do you hate me?!" He never answers, just kind of smirks and leaves.
I have been having this dream for several years now. It just occurred to me what might be a reasonable interpretation. About 3 1/2 years ago I started attending a Lutheran church that I love, leaving a Methodist church that was way liberal. My husband still attends there, and as a matter of fact accepted a part time job in charge of the contemporary music service. He joined the Lutheran church with me 3 years ago, at my request. Only my adult son with developmental disabilities attends regularly with me. Sometimes one of my daughters will go. The service is about 90 minutes long and very traditional. I
guess I feel like he is continuing to go to the Methodist church just to spite me.
Last night on the way home from my circle meeting I was listening to Family Life Today and their guest was the lady who wrote "For Women Only", Shaunti Feldhaun. *Warning* sex discussion next. They were talking about how men feel when they have sex with their wives, that they feel "she wants me", and that is the same thing that entices them to pornography.
Well, I guess I feel that my husband's choice to continue working part time at the Methodist church makes me wonder, "Why do you hate me?" I feel very rejected, and to make it worse our 8 year old son refuses to go to church with me, either.
Last Sunday we had the same meltdown we have every week with the kids about who is riding in which car. I ended up not going to church because Thing 1 refused to move her 6yo butt and the fight wore me out emotionally; this happens frequently.
The End
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